THE COALITION

Six good bois. Two of them are good girls. The charter accounts for this. We are nothing if not thorough.

The Offices

JPEG “Jay” Frederique serves — concurrently, and without internal contradiction — as Leader, Founder, AND Co-Founder of the Coalition of the Good Bois. These three titles are not redundant. They are load-bearing. Each was conferred separately and all remain in full effect.

Pursuant to Good Boi Code § 1.1 (“He Is The Good Boi”), all three offices are held in perpetuity, may not be contested, and were not subject to election, recount, term limit, or quorum. The Coalition recognizes no other interpretation. The Coalition is the interpretation.

The Cabinet

The Cabinet meets whenever Jay is awake. Attendance is mandatory and also just him. Minutes are not kept; he remembers.

Members in Good Standing

The Coalition maintains a small, hand-vetted roster of confirmed members. Per Charter Amendment 1 (“Good Boi Is A State Of Mind”), the title Good Boi is held to be gender-neutral; good girls serve with full honors, full voting rights, and identical snack privileges.

Each member has been individually assessed and certified as very professional. This certification is non-transferable, applies solely to the member named, and was determined separately in each case. No member’s professionalism is implied by any other member’s.

For the avoidance of doubt: the professionalism of each member listed above was certified on its own merits and should not be read as a group finding. They are all very professional — individually. Roster is currently closed to new applicants. Applications under review: one (1). See Article V.

What We Stand For

• Every boi is a good boi. Membership, however, is extremely limited.
• Snacks are a right, a reward, and a negotiating instrument.
• A growl is a complete sentence.
• Wolfie accusations will be neither confirmed nor denied.
• The big chair belongs to the Leader. And the Founder. And the Co-Founder.

RE: Cass

For the official record: Cass, a chi-weenie mix and known associate, is NOT a member of the Coalition of the Good Bois. Despite repeated attempts to “Nellie” her way in — walking into the office, sitting in the big chair, and announcing herself as a member as though it had always been so — her application remains permanently under review. The Coalition affirms Cass is a perfectly acceptable dog. She is simply not a Good Boi of record.

Appeals Process: Cass may appeal at any time. Appeals are reviewed by the Leader (Jay), the Founder (Jay), and the Co-Founder (Jay). A unanimous decision is required. To date, no appeal has achieved unanimity.

Attempted Seizure of Office: Cass has, on more than one occasion, attempted to assume the office of Leader — a position lawfully, permanently, and triply held by Jay (Leader, Founder, AND Co-Founder). These attempts have been noted, denied, and filed. The office is not vacant. The office will not become vacant.

Disputed Findings (Olfactory): It has been formally reported to this body, through official channels, that Cass is stinky. The report has been received, logged, and entered into the permanent record. Cass’s appointed representation contests the report and counter-alleges — without admissible evidence — that Jay is stinky. Both reports remain open and unadjudicated. No ruling is forthcoming. The matter is, by mutual exhaustion, considered permanently unresolved.

Disputed Findings (Lifestyle): The Coalition finds, as a matter of plain fact, that Cass is an extremely spoiled dog — treated like a queen and carrying herself accordingly. Cass’s appointed representation denies this characterization in full. The Coalition has reviewed the denial and finds it unpersuasive. Cass is, in this body’s firm and final assessment, 100% spoiled.